So I decided I needed to take a day to myself to get everything back on track. What the result was, was well… it was moderately effective at doing that. I finally got some groceries done, and only came in $9 over budget for the month, so while not stellar, not bad either. Also got a bit of reading done for my philosophy class done, as well as some cooking to prep my meals for the remainder of the week. Finally, I also went to the gym for the first time in three days. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do for my conditioning circuit, so I kind of herp-derp’d my way through an improvised circuit. Not my best, but it felt really good to get the blood pumping again.
So that was the good. Now for the not so good…
I meant to sit down and play an hour of Borderlands 2, to take a break between tasks. I ended up playing for three. I can’t describe how frustrating it is to love a medium so much as gaming, and yet be so at odds with it so often as well. It’s just so frustrating to be consciously AWARE of the fact that the thing you’re indulging in is specifically designed TO induce that sense of flow where you’re not aware of the time flying by. Especially when you’re someone like myself, who is especially susceptible to that gamer’s cocktail of progression, challenge and perfectly scheduled minor rewards… JUST enticing enough to get you to keep playing. So. What’s the Solution? Well, I think I’m going to have to start scheduling my days hour by hour in addition to task-by-task, and keep my phone next to me when I start playing, with an alarm set for an hour after I begin playing. Making the amount of time I am going to play explicit and prevalent in my environment (ie. making it so that I can’t just ignore or forget about it) will help. Hopefully. I’m going to give it a try.
Second, I got my monthly body composition today. I posted a 1.5% gain in body fat percentage, which in solid numbers translates to a 3.2lb gain in fat mass. I posted a fat mass gain last month as well, so to say that I was disappointed would be a significant understatement. All wasn’t terrible though. I also posted a 2.8lb gain in muscle. Not ideal, but at least I didn’t ONLY gain fat. I’d be lying if I said I was surprised though… I’ve been making some poor choices insofar as my diet lately. More to do with the distribution of my carbs/protein throughout the day, but also with the frequent indulgences in junk food (I had a good cup’s worth of chocolate chips in little bits over the course of today, for example 😦 ). When you get really personally invested in physical health, it’s so discouraging to look at yourself and the way you’ve been treating your body for “X amount of time” and see it’s not at all consistent with the beliefs you espouse about treating yourself kindly, diet-wise. I guess I still need to work more on not beating myself up for my mistakes, and more readily look forward and take practical steps towards a cessation of them in the future.
Soooo…. What’s The Solution? Well, I need a couple of changes. First, I need to stop eating so many carbs and large meals during the day. It’s activating my parasympathetic nervous system, tiring me out and putting me into a catabolic state as well. These two things are not conducive either to me getting work done OR improving my physical health. So, smaller, carb-lite, protein heavy meals in the afternoon (once I finish my fast), and a big carb dump at night with a SMALL dessert will hopefully improve things.