So I got through three days straight worth of exams. So the hardest part is over. I’ve still got an essay that I need to get done ASAP (it’s already late and late marks are being deducted from it as we speak), and one more exam next Friday, so I’m not quite out of the woods yet. However, I do have a little extra energy to parse off and start putting into getting my life back in order. Just about everything has gone into disarray aside from my anxiety (which the Zoloft IS helping). Well, and I suppose my gym schedule. The latter has been alright, but not amazing. I usually get to the gym 4-5 days a week, which is good, but I’m not feeling beat down afterwards so I feel like I could go for more days per week. And I’d LIKE to do just that, because there are days that I don’t get to do everything I’d like to. I’m going to try my best over the next month to go flat-out 7 days per week, with some days just being lighter than others. Thinking of a distribution something like this:
Day 1: Upper Body
Day 2: Lower Body + Arms
Day 3: Cardio (Heavy Bag)
Day 4: Core
Day 5: Upper Body
Day 6: Lower Body + Arms
Day 7: Cardio (Body weight circuit)
I have it spread out so that I cycle through areas so that, so long as I do the appropriate thorough warm-up and deep fascia stretching afterwards, I shouldn’t get beaten up too badly. It’ll still be taxing, but I know I can do it. I have a pretty awesome housemate for inspiration. It’s rare she actually DOESN’T go to the gym or do some form of exercise every day. Granted, she has a much lighter school schedule than I do, but I’m trying these days not to focus on the advantages people have over me, but the commonalities which speak to the fact that if I want something badly enough, and am willing to put in the effort, I can get it.
Second, I blocked my ex on Facebook. This may not seem like a big step, but there’s been a lot of hmming and hawwing about whether I should. She’s the president of the geek-centric club on campus, which I and most of my friends are a part of. So I was afraid that to cut her out would limit my ability to know about events and opportunities to spend time with my friends. She also hosts a good portion of the parties surrounding that friend group at her house, which she’s said she doesn’t feel comfortable with me being in. So I guess my main reason for holding on so long is the foolish hope that one day we’d be friends again, and that I could hang with everyone as easily as before. But recent interactions have shown that to be an impossibility. We will not be friends, now or ever. Furthermore, and only after blocking her out totally do I feel this… even her presence or the awareness of her life updates makes me doubt myself. Makes it easier for me to direct self-negative thoughts towards myself about my capabilities, my intelligence, my looks, whatever. It’s just… a toxic influence on my mindset. I’m glad that it’s gone. I’ll find ways to hang out with my friends and spend time with those I care about some other way, but this was absolutely necessary.
Third, I’ve been staying up, and consequently waking up, later and later everyday for the last while. I’m going to harken back to last fall (when I was most productive) and set multiple alarms in short, one-minute intervals on my phone. I also have my sunrise clock, so I can use the latter as negative reinforcement if I choose to turn it off. It’ll be worth putting in the effort.
Fourth, I’ve been spending too much, and on stupid things like poor food choices while I’m out. In response, I’m going back to leaving my credit/debit cards at home when I go to work, to campus, or anywhere that I don’t explicitly need them for something I’m buying which has been decided on ahead of time. Cut down on the impulse buying that way.
Y’know, I have more in mind, but I think spreading myself too thin at this point would be counter-productive, so I’ll just work on this stuff today, and then come back tomorrow with some more. 😛